In my ongoing “Project Pull-up” quest, against my better judgement, I ordered straps and weightlifting gloves this weekend. I knew not of the joys of straps until my trainer had me do multiple reps on the assisted pull-up machine last week, and I complained of my hands giving out. She excitedly lent me her straps, and I loved how secure and “locked in” they made me feel. It really helped with the hand soreness and allowed me to do more reps than I would normally be able to. And she said that gloves would help with keeping my wrists straight while lifting. I am pre-embarrassed about the straps and gloves. It feels showy and braggy to me, as though I think I’m some sort of a big deal who needs extra equipment in the gym. But I am getting callouses, my hands are giving out, and I do have a problem keeping my wrists from bending, so I feel that these items are legitimately warranted. Hopefully no one will look at me and think, “Well, look at that braggart, with her fancy straps and gloves. She certainly thinks highly of herself.”
I am disoriented. Last year around this time, I had one of those Meaningful Birthdays. The one where you know definitively you are not young anymore. I was stunned to discover recently that it is now once again October, and I am due for another birthday, although not one nearly as meaningful and traumatic as the one I had last year. I don’t know what happened to the time. I don’t know how it became October suddenly and how I became older and how there are brown leaves on the ground now and it’s foggy in the mornings. Wasn’t it just summer? Is the pandemic over yet? Where is my dad? Where did my Mexican masked wrestler trainer go? Why is my job so weird now? What am I going to do about April and the The Big Stressy Event that was canceled this year? Why does my body look so alien? And oh yes, I’m supposed to eat snacks now. The president has COVID. I feel dazed and lost and perpetually surprised. Life is strange.
Speaking of the president, I’m going to keep this neutral, but with everything going on in the world, all of the death and destruction and pandemic and pandemonium, can we please not wish death upon the leader of our country? No matter how you feel about him, it’s not good for our souls to do that. We cannot demand peace and love and justice while not being at peace within, while not having love inside of us. It’s not about him. It’s about what is within us. We will never find love in the world if we can’t find it in our own hearts. Rage and blame is easy and feels good, especially when fueled by righteousness. Love is difficult and requires humility. We must stop demanding of the world that which we do not have within ourselves. Things are painful enough as they are. I am asking for just a little more love, and little more gentleness. Thank you.