In Stardew Valley, the game that I have nattered about extensively on this blog, the farm animals are simple creatures. They are either happy or unhappy. When they are happy, a heart pops up in the dialogue balloon above their heads. When they are unhappy, a gray scribble appears, denoting their displeasure with missing a meal or being cold or God knows what other lack they are suffering. This weekend has been a gray-scribble weekend for me. I have been walking around with a scribble above my head, unhappy and impervious to any of Mr. Typist’s usual cheering-up methods. It’s not grief, it’s not exactly depression, it’s just a deep sense of dissatisfaction and restlessness. It’s a sign that something needs to change. In the past, I would find these periods of malaise daunting and would be intimidated at the prospect of change, but I’m not this time around. I’m ready. I have full clarity and intent and I know my worth. Interestingly, I did a Tarot card reading this weekend and came up with multiple sword cards, concluding with the Queen of Swords, a woman who stands in her truth and is ready to receive.
Ridiculously, I recently ordered some protein powder from a trusted source, and now there on the kitchen counter is a giant plastic jug of something called “Molk”, a total gym-bro item that I have mixed feelings about. But this new trainer is going full-steam ahead with my goal of a getting to a pull-up, and after our last session, I underwent five straight days of muscle agony from over-using parts of my body that have never been challenged before. She harps on the need for protein and there is no way I can consume enough steak and chicken to get to the correct amount, so I need a boost. I plan to mix it in with some oat milk and see what it does. I’m not generally a believer in supplementation—I tend to be a minimalist and think that one should get one’s nutrition from food alone, but I am going to a whole new level now with the physical stuff and the reality is that I don’t eat enough to meet the need, and a little boost is necessary.
Speaking of the physical, I miss the pool. Maybe it’s the hot, dry weather or maybe it’s nostalgia, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I enjoyed my Sunday ritual of slinging my tote bag over my shoulder and walking the two miles to the pool. I miss the feeling of the chlorinated water on my skin and the unspoken comradarie of being in the water with other people. I even miss the initial dash of cold shock that enveloped me as I took the initial plunge into the water. And I really miss stopping for chicken tacos on the way home. I haven’t lost anywhere near what many people have during this pandemic, but the closure of the pool is just one more depletion of joy added to all of the others. I’m not a hyper-social person by any means and the isolation didn’t bother me that much, but I’m more ready than ready for normalcy—eating out, seeing traffic again, the incidental interaction with other humans while going about day-to-day life. Humans got to human and this has all gone on long enough.
I don’t know what YouTube knows about me, but for some reason, this video popped up in my feed today. Do they sense I need to relax? Do they know I’ve been contemplating a trip to the ocean? The mystery may never be solved. Enjoy a little Hawaiian guitar and some crashing waves.