I’m fine now that I’ve had some time to process, but I received a crushing blow at work last week, and as a result I spent most of Friday sobbing on the sofa and texting my poor colleague while in the throes of despair. I can’t go into detail about it here (it’s not that interesting anyway) but the gist is that all is okay---I’m still employed at the same salary, which is far more than most people have right now, I have lots of support, it’s all going to be fine and possibly even better in the long run, but at the moment it felt like an intolerable loss, on top of all of the other losses. I’ve been pretty good about not falling apart during all of this craziness. I’ve been working hard to develop a warrior mindset, stay strong in mind and body, and show up with an attitude of service for the greater good, but this just wrecked me emotionally for a good day and half. However, if I know one thing, it’s that the people and the organizations who are going to get through this intact are those who are the most adaptable. I intend to not only get through, but to come out of it with as many wins as I can. Win number one is that I didn’t cry in front of my boss. The woman has enough to deal with and she needs me to be Strong Typist right now, not Hysterical Mess Typist. So adapt I shall, and I will come out this victorious in the end. I will not allow myself to wallow endlessly. I’m still better off than the vast majority of people, and I need to move forward with the new reality.
In all of this, a big bright spot in my life is that my trainer is back! Albeit on Skype, but he’s back! He e-mailed me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to try an online session, (ha! I knew he missed training my clumsy arse), and I agreed immediately. We had the first online session last week, and while there was some initial confusion, awkwardness and issues with the tech and lighting, it was a surprisingly good session. He managed to annoy me just as effectively as he did during our in-person sessions, and even made me do jump-ups on my weight bench, despite me telling him it was too high for that and I’d fall off. He didn’t care. I had to do them anyway. Along with a million weighted squats (keep those shoulders straight!), lunges and other horrors. By the end of the hour I was dripping sweat and barely knew my own name. I don’t know how he managed to torment me like that when he wasn’t even in the same room as me. Then at the end, he had the gall to ask me if I felt that I got “a good workout” and did I want to do this again. Of course I did, because apparently I am nuts. In all seriousness, though, it’s a huge mental health boost to have my regular sessions back. He had e-mailed to me check in a few months ago, and I replied telling him that our sessions had become a “grounding touchpoint” in my life and that I missed them. It’s true. Knowing that I had one hour a week with someone to get out of my very over-active head and focus on my physical being was a god-send, and it’s a blessing to have that again. Now if that damn gym would just re-open…
A while back, I read an article about the lost art of memorizing poems, and I was intrigued. I resolved to build up a catalog of memorized poems, but I never followed through. Recently, this came up for me again and I decided to actually do it, starting with a beloved favorite, “The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Berry. It’s short and has beats that make it easy to commit to memory, so I figured it was a good one to start with. I only started memorizing it a day or two ago so I don’t have it completely “in there” yet, but the process of memorizing it has given me an even deeper appreciation for the genius of this seemingly simple poem, which is not simple at all. It’s quite the musical feat, actually. I’m excited about this new plan of mine. I can already sense that this process will deepen my appreciation of poetry and help my own poetry improve. But more importantly, if we ever have gatherings again, it will be a great party trick to pull out.
I’m still practicing regularly with my beginner belly dance videos, even though my “moves” are as graceful and feminine as a three-legged giraffe. In the spirit of the warrior, enjoy this belly dance by Irina Akulenko.