I’m
fine now that I’ve had some time to process, but I received a
crushing blow at work last week, and as a result I spent most of
Friday sobbing on the sofa and texting my poor colleague while
in the throes of despair. I can’t go into detail about it here
(it’s
not that interesting anyway) but
the gist is that all is okay---I’m still employed at
the same salary,
which
is far
more than most people have right now, I
have lots
of
support, it’s all going to be fine and possibly even better in the
long run, but at the moment it felt like an intolerable loss, on top
of all of the other losses. I’ve
been pretty good about not falling apart during
all of this craziness. I’ve been working hard to develop a warrior
mindset, stay strong in mind and body, and show up with an attitude
of service for the
greater
good, but this just wrecked me emotionally for a good
day and half. However, if
I know one thing, it’s that the people and the organizations who
are going to get through this intact are those who are the most
adaptable. I intend to not only get through, but to come out of it
with as many wins as I can. Win number one is that I didn’t cry in
front of my boss. The woman has enough to deal with and she needs
me to be Strong Typist right now, not Hysterical
Mess Typist. So adapt
I shall, and
I will come out this victorious in the end. I will not allow myself
to wallow endlessly. I’m
still better off than the vast majority of people, and I need to move
forward with the
new
reality.
In
all of this, a
big
bright spot in my life is that my trainer is back! Albeit on Skype,
but he’s back! He e-mailed
me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to try an online session, (ha!
I knew
he missed training my clumsy arse), and I agreed immediately. We had
the first online session last week, and while there was some initial
confusion, awkwardness and issues with the tech and lighting, it was
a surprisingly good
session. He managed to annoy me just
as effectively as
he did during our in-person sessions, and even made me do jump-ups on
my weight bench, despite
me telling him
it was too high for
that
and I’d fall off. He didn’t care. I had to do them anyway. Along
with a million weighted
squats (keep
those shoulders
straight!),
lunges
and other horrors. By the end of the hour I was dripping sweat and barely
knew my own name. I
don’t know how he managed to torment me like that when he wasn’t
even in the same room as me. Then
at
the end,
he had the gall to ask me if I felt that I got “a good workout”
and did I want to do this again. Of course I did, because apparently
I am nuts. In all seriousness, though, it’s
a huge mental health boost to have my regular sessions back.
He had e-mailed to me check in a few months ago, and I replied
telling him that our sessions had become a “grounding touchpoint”
in my life and that I missed them. It’s true. Knowing that I had
one hour a week with someone to get out of my very over-active head
and focus on my physical being was a god-send, and it’s a
blessing to have that again. Now
if that damn gym would just re-open…
A
while back, I read an article about the lost art of memorizing poems,
and I was intrigued. I resolved to build up a catalog of memorized
poems, but I never followed through. Recently, this came up for me
again and I decided to actually do it, starting with a beloved
favorite, “The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Berry. It’s
short and has beats that make it easy to commit to memory, so
I figured it was a good one to start with. I only
started memorizing it a day or two ago so I don’t have it
completely “in there” yet, but
the process of
memorizing
it has given me an even deeper appreciation for the genius of this
seemingly simple poem, which is not simple at all. It’s quite the
musical feat, actually. I’m
excited about this new plan of mine. I can already sense that this
process will deepen my appreciation of poetry and help my own poetry
improve. But more importantly, if we ever have gatherings again, it
will be a great party trick to pull out.
I’m
still practicing regularly
with
my beginner belly dance videos, even though my “moves” are as
graceful and feminine as a three-legged giraffe. In
the spirit of the warrior, enjoy this belly dance by Irina Akulenko.
--Kristen McHenry
5 comments:
I started memorizing poetry in grad school. I was reading tons, but it was just all leaking out of my brain, and I was desperate to keep it so as to have a fighting chance of passing my orals. I had no idea that I was actually starting to read & understand in a new way: I was just trying to pass the damn exam.
I still have the poetry in my head, most of it. Memorized poetry lives in you in an entirely different way, rising up at odd times, interacting with other bits of you, and bits of other poets, down somewhere in the half-lights of the preconscious. Passing the exam turned out to be a matter of no importance whatever, in my subsequent life, but memorizing poetry remodeled my mind & much for the better.
And hey, I'm sorry about your tribulations! May they pass quickly.
Another week for me started off fabulously...by starting it off reading your fabulous blog, Kristen!
Hi, Dale! That's a very eloquent take on memorized poetry and it has motivated me to keep at it. And yes, while my tribulations are far from over, I'm trying to keep perspective. Thanks as always for reading my humble little blog.
Thank you, Master Poet! :)
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