Down for the Count, I Got Tested, Bitchy Reviews

Over the weekend, my body finally succumbed to months of stress and I got sick with some sort of illness that had me deliriously wondering why miscreant elves were appearing in my stomach and stabbing me from the inside at unpredictable intervals. Hence the very late post this week. I’m on the mend now—still a bit weak, shaky and wrung out, but climbing out of it. It wasn’t the ‘Rhona. I know because I got tested, which was a weird experience involving people in space suits at multiple confusing checkpoints and about fifteen seconds of deep unpleasantness while an alien tentacle molested my nostril. The world has become a very strange place.

It’s annoying and disruptive to get sick. I haven’t been able to work out at all and I am afraid to even look at my shambles of a work in-box. My sleep was all messed for a while and I’ve been too tired to do anything but stare into space, twiddle around with the “new, improved” House Flipper, and maybe listen to a podcast if I had the energy to lift headphone to my ears. As a result of my crankiness and woozy entertainment consumption, you shall be treated to the following bitchy reviews:

While I couldn’t sleep, I became good friends again with my ancient Kindle and binge-watched an futuristic Amazon Original series called “Upload.” I don’t know if I like it or don’t like it. It’s a little bit saccharine with the overblown yet unconvincing romance at the core of the plot, and the premise is not particularly original. But I was crushed when I got to end of the first season and realized there weren’t any more episodes, so it must be doing something right. The male lead is sort of a zero, he could have been played by any adequately handsome actor if you ask me. The female lead is fine, but the interesting thing about binge-watching something is that you pick up very quickly on the actors favorite go-to’s, and this actress has the exact same bag of tricks she pulls out repeatedly: Dewy Eyes, Quirky Smile, Brave Tone of Voice, Determined Jaw Set. My favorite character, a sloppy, frizzy-haired gym teacher turned amateur detective, was killed off halfway through the season, to my great disappointment. She was the most interesting and funny character of the bunch, a much-needed foil to the relentless prettiness of the cast. Overall, the whole show tries just a little too hard and is just a little too derivative, but it has a certain wholesome charm. It was created by the person who created “Parks and Rec” and it definitely has some of that same feel. Despite it’s flaws, I’ll be keeping a close eye out for the second season.

Shortly before I got sick, the long-touted “House Flipper” update came out. They have promised for months now that we would get tons of new content, a plethora of fresh design options, and all kinds of exciting new houses to flip. I eagerly paid my ten bucks and downloaded the “new” content, only to find that I there really was no new content worth speaking of. Yes, they did add some novelty towel racks, a couple of lamps, a handful of sofas, and some meager updated flooring options, but seriously. That’s it??? Years of development and all we get is some weird towel racks? What's with their obsession with towel racks, anyway? It’s such a hack. I keep thinking I’m missing something. The game interface is very confusing, so maybe there is a tab I am missing where all of the glorious new stuff is being stored. I will be looking into it on Steam, believe me you. This is intolerable design oppression.

I can’t work out anyway right now—just looking at my weights exhausts me—but my trainer had to cancel our last two online sessions due to major tech issues. I could tell he was frustrated, but he said he’ll contact me again once he gets himself sorted out. You would think that in these days of all things being online, all of the Skypes and Hangouts and Zooms and such would be working at the top of their game, but I can’t get Hangout on my Kindle without literally hacking it because Amazon is an ass, Skype is buggy as heck, and Zoom still has major security issues so I don’t want to use it. We’ve all moved to Teams at work, but I haven’t been able to get my camera to work and I need speakers and ordering things like that is daunting ever since they “upgraded” the tech support site.

Life is exhausting. I’m going back to the couch to lie down. Enjoy this mildly amusing episode of Simon’s Cat. I miss cats!

--Kristen McHenry