I recently found myself exasperated by the lack
of RSVP’s for a work-related event I’m planning, which led me to crankily
Google, “Why won’t anyone RSVP anymore???” I was immediately buried under
millions of articles, blog posts, and rants from embittered event planners
everywhere, lamenting modern society’s widespread inability to commit to attendance
at social gatherings. Apparently, it’s been a problem for quite some time. Now,
before you snort dismissively and accuse me being preoccupied with first world
problems, hear me out.
I know all the world is aflame right now because
we’re on the brink of the apocalypse and blah, blah, blah, but while everyone
was obsessed with politics, the real symptom of society’s breakdown was in full
blossom before our very eyes, and like the proverbial frog in boiling water, we didn’t
notice until it was too late. And that symptom, my friends, is not our current Commander-in-Chief. Rather, it is the complete lack of accountability we feel towards what used to be a foundational
aspect of the social contract—that is, the simple act of RSVP-ing. This is
about more than just flightiness, or people being too busy or overwhelmed by
social media. People have always been flighty, busy, and overwhelmed by something
or the other. But it used to be that when you were invited to a social gathering,
you understood that the person on the other end of that invitation had to think ahead about food and drink
quantities, staffing, seating arrangements, name cards, space set-up, and event
budgeting. We were honored to be an invited guest, and took the responsibility
of responding seriously. We knew that the host was going to work hard to create
a fun, enjoyable event for us, and we had enough basic decency and respect to
let them know by their requested deadline whether or not we would grace them
with our presence.
Fast forward to 2017 and ship, sailed. These
days, it’s a total free-for-all out there. Somehow we’ve gotten so utterly
self-centered and myopic, so commitment-phobic, and so emotionally
undisciplined that we don’t want to agree to do anything ahead of time because,
what if we wake up that morning and just don’t feeeeeeeel like going to that
dinner party the host has been planning for three months? What if we get a
better offer? What if someone might be there who we don’t like? And anyway, why
are you hassling me, man? Why should
I have to tell you whether or not I’m going to come to your party? That’s like,
totally oppressive. Maybe I’ll show up, maybe I won’t. (But if I do, I expect
you to have enough food and booze to satisfy me and my unannounced date.)
See, this isn’t just about how technically daunting
it is to click “yes” or “no” on an E-vite. This is a symptom of our deeply
embedded sense of entitlement, our laziness, and yes, our selfishness. We’re
all so mired in the immediate and so controlled by our base emotional responses
to everything that we can’t discipline ourselves to meet a basic tenet of
being a grown-ass adult. And that is a problem, because it’s a symptom of the
growing tear in our social fabric. Breaking
bread with our friends and face-to-face socializing is a building block of society,
as is keeping our commitments. And navigating those things used to be a skill
that we developed over time, as part of our maturation process and our
induction into real adulthood. Now all bets are off, and that lack of skill is
spilling over into the way we interact with each other in day-to-day life, as
evidenced by, oh, say, violent attacks on those who disagree with our political
viewpoints, or road rage, or general lack of empathy for the lived experience
of others. Not to mention the bane of frazzled event planners who need to give a minimum headcount to the
caterers by 3:00 p.m. and can’t because no one will bloody commit. Come on,
people. We are better than this. Fixing the world’s problem starts with the small
things first: Be polite, répondez to the invite!
--Kristen McHenry
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