Flippin’ Luxury, Rogue Restaurateur, Unfinished Business

I haven’t played my beloved House Flipper in some time, having grown bored with it after cycling through every house and design combination in the game numerous times, but it was recently announced that the long-anticipated Luxury Flipper content had finally been released, so I plunged right back in. The game opened with an announcement from the developers that they are super-proud of their amazing new content and in fact, worried that there may even be too much new content, and that they vowed to immediately fix any and all bugs. It was very sweet. However, quite annoyingly, they built in a mechanic that forces you to do “gigs” before you get access to the luxury houses. For each gig you do, you get to purchase one luxury house. The gigs involve a trek to the fictional town of fancy-pants Moonrise Bay, where the first job you are given is by the world’s most insufferable tech couple who wants you to design their loft and presents you with a “look book” that reflects their taste in color palettes and furnishings. I was immediately annoyed at this hipster couple and their unbearable smugness. I kept dutifully trying to finish the loft to their specifications, but finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I rebelled, quit the gig and bought a large cinder block building in a residential neighborhood.

And my friends, I am creating a masterpiece. I decided to go rogue and turn the building into a high-end restaurant and bar. I’ve never done that before, although lots of players have created diners and bars with amazing results. It’s been a labor of love and I am quite proud of the results so far, and very much enjoy fussing over every detail. I’m surprised at my own patience and fortitude. I usually flame out close to the end of a house flip, let things go and just sell the place to be done with it, but this one is my baby. I have endless tolerance for prevaricating over table knives and shelving and bottles and wine glasses and artwork. I have built out the dining area and the upstairs bar, and now I am working on outdoor seating in a beautiful English garden. When I’m done, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before and upload screenshots to Steam for bragging rights. Maybe this will be my new “thing” and I’ll only design restaurants and bars from here on out. Or maybe I’ll go back to school and get an actual degree in actual interior design...naw. House Flipper is much cheaper and way less work.

Meanwhile, as I am happily designing what I believe to be the most beautiful eatery in the world, my poor tiger punch needle project sits idle and unfinished due to a lack of embroidery thread. I have a perfectly good Joanne’s gift card that I need to use, but I have a small but pervasive feeling of dread about going to Joanne’s. The last few times I was there, huge swathes of their shelves were completely bare, and it was quite disconcerting. Joanne’s is my haven and I love spending time there, and seeing it empty and barren fills me with existential dread. I suppose I just need to brave it, because I want to get that project finished before Christmas and unbelievably, we’re already halfway through November. I would probably never finish projects if the looming threat of the end of the year wasn’t ever-present. I would feel like an abject failure if I couldn’t complete a crafting project within a year.

If I can figure how to get my screenshots to upload from Steam, I shall share with you the glory of my luxury eatery. In the mean time, this game trailer will have to do.

 --Kristen McHenry