Lalalalala,
nothing is happening. We are not in the middle of a permanently
life-altering pandemic and I know this because in my world,
the world of House Flipper, everything is going swimmingly. I
recently entered my first gardening contest and I scored full points!
This means that I sold my house for fifty percent more than it would
normally go for, bringing my total net worth to a cool 2 mil. See?
It’s all great.
In preparing for my big win, I read up on the ins
and outs of the garden contest, and I found it very revealing in
regards to what Europeans think of Americans. (I believe the game is
made in Poland.) There are four garden categories: English, Crop,
Modern and American. There are certain elements required for each
one, and for the American garden, (which I did because this is
‘Merica), it must include, bizarrely, a pizza oven, a barbecue
grill, a picnic table and chairs, and a hammock. “Interesting,” I
thought. “Someone thinks Americans are food-obsessed
sloths.” But then I read further and saw that it must also include
at least three pieces of “outdoor” gym equipment and a swimming
pool. So which is it, Europe? Are we lazy slobs or fitness-obsessed
narcissists? The other odd thing is their ideas about conifers. To
win, your American Garden must be chock full of conifers.
Conifers, conifers, conifers. Can’t have enough of them,
apparently. I wanted to shout the whole time I was adding more and
more conifers, conifers do not grow in every state in the U.S.!
But ultimately, I won, so the joke’s on them.
I
was so fist-gnawingly bored with my normal workout this weekend that
I agreed to play “Workout Roulette”, in which I committed to
performing whichever workout Mr. Typist chose for me at random from
YouTube. It turned out to be Hannah Eden’s “30 Minute Core and
Upper Body Workout.” I hadn’t
previously
encountered
this Hannah Eden person in my YouTube fitness travels.
She’s a bit much,
but the workout was incredible, so I can’t argue too much with her
aggressive style, both in presentation and fashion. She has long,
brilliant fuchsia hair that she wears in a high pony tail, and shiny
red high-top shoes. She shouts a lot about doing better and endurance
and setting goals and crushing it and pushing through the burn, which
I thought
was something
that went out in the 80’s but now is
apparently back in. Then, as a “mind over matter” inspirational
sermon, she bragged about her bicycle trip through Iceland. I
complained to Mr. Typist afterwards that I could have done without
the inspirational
Iceland
bicycling story. To his credit he snorted and said, “Iceland’s
not that big.”
I’ve
noticed that a lot of these workout videos now very cleverly have
three performers in them, one to do the hard-core version, one to
show the intermediate variations, and one hapless newb to demonstrate
the beginner’s form. In this one, Hannah’s husband is the
intermediate guy, although clearly the dude is an elite body-builder
and athlete. Next to him was the beginner guy, a pale, puffy ginger
with a slight belly. I actually don’t even think he had that much
of a belly at all, but he was standing right next to the oiled,
tanned, six-packed Adonis who was at least a foot taller than him, so
it made for a very unfair visual comparison. I don’t know how the
puffy ginger dude felt about all of this, but he seemed to be good
sport, plus he got lots of extra attention from Hannah, who made a
big point of going over to “help him” frequently during the
workout. So maybe it was worth the trade-off of having to stand right
next to the super-fit guy. Personally, I found him a lot more likable
than Adonis anyway, so he has that to hold on to. I am still
working on solving the mysterious link between female fitness gurus
and the high ponytail. I will get to the bottom of it.
Things
at the hospital are still very hard and stressful, but it does appear
that we have successfully avoided the massive overwhelm of our system
that we had prepared for. Now it will be about how to slowly reopen
and again and bring normal services back online. They brought in a
guy specifically to help with this, so we’ll see how it goes. My
job still won’t return to what it was for a long time, though, and
I really miss it.
Here’s
a lovely garden song from the ever-harmonious Peter, Paul and Mary.
Enjoy!
--Kristen McHenry
5 comments:
'Iceland's not that big.' :)
Thank you for reading and commenting, Steven! I always enjoy your take. Iceland is not that big at all. So...whatever, crazy ponytail lady.
Such an enjoyable post, Kristen. And the PP&M song I haven't heard in a lifetime. Both such a great way to start off Monday!
Patrick
We look to you, Kristen, for the solution of the high ponytail link!
يوجد الكثير من معارض الاثاث المكتبى فى مصر لذلك يشعر العميل بي الاحتيار لذلك جئنا اليك اليوم مع الافضل معارض اثاث مكتبي فى مصر ,هنا ، يوفر لك المعرض سلسلة من التصميمات ، والفن ، والذوق الرفيع ، والشكل الرائع ، والمواد عالية الجودة ، بالإضافة إلى الموظفين الفنيين والتقنيين ذوي الخبرة.
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