All
this time, I have been blithely going about my life minding my own
business and getting my hair cut on the reg, only to be completely
blindsided by the fact that Bangs are a Thing. I had no knowledge of
this. I have never not had bangs. I have a big, pale, horsey forehead
and I don’t look good with long lanks of hair just hanging down my
face. So the most practical way of dealing with that is to maintain
bangs. But thanks to an accident of Facebook, I was recently
introduced to a barrage of articles on women’s lifestyle websites
abhorring bangs and all they stand for. Apparently bangs are for
twee, breathy girl-women who love collage, vintage teacups and
poetry. (Guilty on the collage, teacups and poetry, but that has
nothing to do with my bangs!) Bangs are the favored hairstyle of that
bogeyman of pop culture misogyny, the Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. Bangs
are for overwrought goths who play acoustic guitar. Bangs are a
visual blight and cause over-emphasis on your big, ugly nose. Bangs
will cause your forehead to break out, simultaneously age you and
make you look like a little girl, and are the last resort of the
broken-hearted and those desperate to return to their childhood. I
was completely shocked that all of this bang-hate was going on under
my over-emphasized nose this entire time. I had no idea. I never
attached any cultural significance to my bangs whatsoever and never
even thought about them as anything other than a forehead-covering.
(And just for the record, my forehead is not oily and does not
break out. Cripes, people.)
It
seems, then, that it is incumbent upon me to step up and defend the
defenseless: If you are afraid of bangs, you are a dull,
unimaginative person with outmoded ideas about femininity and hair,
you have no personality, you are quite possibly pathologically vain,
and you will never know the joy of collage, vintage teacups, and
poetry. Bangs rule, your boring hair drools.
In
other internet news, my Youtube feed recently popped up a video of
Jocko Willink, (who I’m going to see at the Moore next week!)
watching scenes
from war
movies and commenting on their realism or lack thereof. It turns out
that there is a whole series of these types of videos, and I found
them riveting and immediately
went straight down a binge-watching rabbit hole. My favorite so far
in the series is the one with wildlife biologist Forrest Galante (a
marvelous name for a wildlife biologist), who broke down scenes from
Anaconda, Jaws, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Grey, and other
movies. He was a total delight. He is clearly very passionate about
animals and has a wealth of knowledge. In just over thirty minutes, I
learned a ton about bears, snakes, sharks and pigeons, and I
re-kindled my adoration for wolves, an animal that has shown up in my
dreams frequently over the last several years. I also enjoyed the one
by a professional archer, who sagely said on shooting:
You
are in control of the moment, the moment does not control you.
I’m
getting that printed on a T-shirt.
Since
wolves are on my mind, enjoy this video of one of my favorite songs,
set to the glory of wolves:
2 comments:
Very enjoyable post, Kristen, and very nice song and video.
I absolutely love bangs! I am constantly schooled on how my hair can't really do them properly though. I have a tiny bit of hair envy for you!
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