Saturday, March 25, 2017

Dan Brown Plot-o-Matic, Breezy Dress Update, Lingering Lit Mag Idea

I’m not sure why Dan Brown has loomed so large on my blog of late, but so it goes. I got a little flack on Facebook last week for admitting to reading his novels, which has left me feeling a bit defensive on his behalf. I personally don’t care what anyone thinks of my literary taste, but Dan Brown does not get enough credit for the hypnotically predictable genius of his plots. And to prove it, I have created The Dan Brown Plot-o-Matic(Feel free to use it to write your very own Dan Brown novel).

A Terrible Murder takes place in:

The Pentagon
The Louvre
The Vatican
The Sydney Opera House

Subsequently, Robert Langdon is interrupted from a:

Deep Sleep
Tropical Vacation
Lecture on Symbology
Shiatsu Massage

by a frantic phone call from the head of:

Misc. made-up alphabet agency (create your own!)

He is immediately rushed by helicopter to the nearest airport, where he is hustled onto a private plane headed to:

The Vatican
Washington DC

Upon landing on the tarmac, he is introduced to a slim, sexy, stunningly beautiful:

Art Historian

Immediately after meeting, they are attacked by:

Foreign Agents Working for the Deep State
Masked Cultists
The Psychopath Villain’s Henchmen

They flee on foot, cleverly eluding their attackers and eventually solving the mystery of:

The Stolen Rembrandt
The Ancient Cypher
The Murdered Pope
The Deadly Pathogen

I’m telling you, he’s brilliant. The beatific interchangeability of his novels is incredibly soothing to me. Now kindly leave me to enjoy them in peace.

I’m still on a mission to find a Breezy Dress for this upcoming work event. Today I scoured my neighborhood’s numerous consignment shops, on the prowl for the Garment of Perfection, which of course I did not find because it does not exist. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not a breezy-dress kind of girl. If I wear anything other than pants, it’s usually a Victorian-length velvet skirt with knee-high boots and an oversized shawl/blouse combo. Beachwear and resort dresses are just not in my DNA. I so want to be the casual, sand-in-her-hair, tousled blonde I keep seeing in all of the dress ads that have now colonized my web browser, but I think it’s time to face the cold, hard facts: I would look ridiculous in a Breezy Dress. I’m a pale, sun-allergic red-head, and whatever fantasies I harbor about transforming into a tanned island-hopper are never going to come to fruition.

Another fantasy I’ve been harboring for a while is the idea of starting my own online literary magazine. But I’ve been too unfocused in terms of theme, type, etc. I have a lot of ideas and it’s been hard to settle on one. But the afore-mentioned Dan Brown-related Facebook exchange has inspired me, and a little seedling of an idea took hold and won’t let go. It would be a huge undertaking and require a lot of planning, but I think I may be ready to make it a reality sooner than later. More to come…in the meantime, in honor of my island-hopping dreams, enjoy this silly video from College Humor:

--Kristen McHenry


Carolyn said...

Love your idea for doing a Dan Brown-themed litmag. You know I'm in your corner if you need any help or assistance with it, especially drone-wrangling.

Thanks for posting that Comedy Central piece. I've already posted it on our hostel FB page :)


Kristen McHenry said...

Thanks, Carolyn! If I actually get any traction, I'll take you up on that for sure. I'm glad you enjoyed the video!

Jeannine Hall Gailey said...

Just wanted to say I'm with you on the breezy dresses, and if it's any consolation, Seattle offers so few occasions weather-wise to wear a breezy-dress that the only one I own has basically grown old and only been worn twice in like five years. I do however wear my trustworthy sturdy sweater dresses as often as I wear yoga pants (with boots!)