Sunday, December 9, 2012

NASA is Totally Ruining My Rescue Fantasies

NASA is Totally Ruining My Rescue Fantasies

Those pedantic naysayers at NASA are totally ruining my Doomsday rescue fantasies with their droning FAQ page about 12-21-2012. Nothing’s going to happen, blah, blah, blah. End-of-the-world theories are not based on science. A reversal in the rotation of the earth is impossible. Nibiru isn’t real. And all of this just when I had been filled with hope after enraptured hours of viewing crackpot internet theories about polar shifts, a massive ascension of the enlightened led by the archangel Michael, Pleiadians returning to claim their lost “star seed” children, and a new age of peace and enlightenment being ushered in by the return of the snake deity Kukulkan. But then Mr. Typist pointed out mushily through a mouth recently divested of six teeth, that a gamma ray burst (caused by two black holes colliding), could like, totally destroy Earth, man, so it turns out it is scientifically possible that the world will end after all. Take that, NASA! I was on the verge of writing them a strongly-worded letter, but the heck with it. (Also Mr. Typist is coming down off of some strong painkillers, and that gamma-ray thing may just be the Vicodan talking.)

As with many people, the idea that I don’t belong on this planet has always been very strong in me. I’ve never felt fully at home here. I’ve never been totally convinced that I’m “from” here, and have always lived with the feeling that I was dropped off by accident or somehow got lost. So the idea that one day I’ll be found and returned to my “real” home is a compelling fantasy, and one that I indulge in occasion when the world begins to crush me under the weight of its suffering. 

But the new national sport of speculating about what’s going to happen on December 21st is in the end, just another distraction. December 21st will come and go, and we’ll still be here. There is still work to do. None of us are getting out of the mess we’ve made of things that easily. There is no benevolent intergalactic parent coming to sweep us off to a better world, there is no snake god descending to bring enlightenment to the masses, there is simply no exit, folks. This world is it. We’re stuck with each other and it’s up to us to stop the suffering and create the peaceful world we all seem to be convinced resides out there in the solar system somewhere.

But in the meantime, it’s fun to consider the possibilities.

--Kristen McHenry


Frankly Curious said...

As you probably know, I am working on a book about cool ways that the universe can kill us. Mr. Typist is correct, but it is much easier to die. A supernova anywhere in our neck of the galaxy would kill off all life here. (Note: this is why advanced life will only evolve in some backwoods like the one we find ourselves in.)

I think there is a very big difference between 12/21/12 speculation (which is mostly cheeky fun) and, say, "the Bible says the world is ending; give all your stuff away!" Scientists certainly can be great buzz kills. On the other hand, they can really ramp up an armageddon party!

On another subject: I really don't like the usage in your recent tweet, young lady! "NASA is a bunch of bores"?! If I can't depend upon you to stop our cultural decline, who can I depend upon? But I just had a thought: could this be a sign that the end of the world is nigh?

I'd write more but I've got to go give away all my stuff to the poor.

Kristen McHenry said...

"I really don't like the usage in your recent tweet, young lady! "NASA is a bunch of bores"?! If I can't depend upon you to stop our cultural decline, who can I depend upon?"

Sorry, I don't have time to defend my comment right now. I'm too busy watching "The Kardashians" and trying to finish The Twilight series.

Frankly Curious said...

You go girl!

Jo-Ann said...

The Kardashians" ... that is the sequel to Anna Karenin... yes?