Friday, July 8, 2011

Transition, Faith and Sacred Timing

Transition, Faith and Sacred Timing

Today is a day of transition on many levels. It was my final day at the job that I’ve held for well over four years. When I began the job, I created an oil painting of a heart. I painted it as a blessing, and as a vessel to hold my dreams and hopes for what I would accomplish. I hung it above my window in my office, where stayed in watch over me until today, when I thanked it, blessed it, and took it home.

That painting has seen a lot of tears and loss, and not nearly as many dreams come to fruition as I’d wanted. But it has also seen excitement, achievements I once thought were out of reach, and the formation of what I hope will continue to be amazing friendships.

Over these last weeks, I could feel shifting in the energetic formation of the place…slowly, I felt the work-bonds weaken and diminish, and new bonds form and strengthen among my team in my impending absence. I felt the buzzing of energy of the possibilities in a new addition—my replacement. And I also felt gentle, energetic waves of goodwill towards me, and genuine sadness at my departing. It was all okay. It all had a rightness to it, and I was somehow able to experience it with the detached stance of an observer.

I wrapped things up with as much integrity and goodwill as I had in me, not because I am such a virtuous person, but because it felt important to me to be kind and gracious; to handle these last weeks from a place of love for the good that was there, rather than anger, bitterness, and a sense of victimization. To do so was the right way to make the transition, so that I don’t carry negativity and baggage over to my new position. It’s over, I’m proud of how I handled it, and I feel at peace with it.

I think I have talked about this before on this blog, but a wise spiritual teacher once told me that I don’t respect timing. I have been thinking about this a lot since having accepted a new position just a few short weeks ago. I have always had difficulty with faith. I can be extremely, irrationally, impatient. Just as children under a certain age don’t understand object permanence, I seem to experience any emotional or spiritual suffering as permanent, rather than transitory. It the midst of pain, it’s very difficult for me to be able to wait things out, and to access my intuitive understanding that it will pass--that all things will occur in their right time, not before, and not after.

Since giving notice at this job, I’ve been paying close attention to time. It seemed like there was very little time for everything that needed to be done before I left. But instead of going faster, I forced myself to slow way, way down. And I noticed that the slower I went, the more time seem to expand. I felt calmer, more focused, and more in control. Everything fell into place. I felt a sense of allowing, of flow and timing. It was as though everything simply adjusted itself to accommodate my pace, although I’m not quite narcissistic enough to believe that was what was actually going on.

I hope to carry this feeling to my new position, where I will be stepping into a high level of leadership and responsibility, both on the material and spiritual plane. So far, I’m far more excited than scared. I am ready. I will embrace what comes.

--Kristen McHenry


Dale said...

You sound ready. That's great!

I've observed the paradox too: the only way to get more time is to slow down.

Jo-Ann said...

All the best, Kristen. You've described a beautiful and well deserved time of new beginnings, graceful endings and glorious recognition of who you are.